You might for instance be running pellmell back to your family, all seated around a picnic table with Best Friends at The Maryhill Musuem, when all of a sudden you stumble over somebody who is panhandling while dragging their very long tail feathers on the ground. (Obviously the above pictured bird is not the culprit for he was too busy trying to get a date)

That guy WILL CUT YOU! He will mess you up and make you cry in your mom’s lap for a good half an hour.

Peacock attack aside, the Columbia River Gorge is lovely this time of year. Best Fiends took us on a little jaunt which included Rowena Plateau where I shall soon move and live forever.

It was thick with what I later learned is balsamroot.

Next we picnicked at the Maryhill Musuem which is a super cool fortress like structure overlooking the Columbia guarded by flocks of murderous peacocks. I haven’t been inside the museum but judging from the outside it looks like the perfect headquarters for my new regime.

Then it was off to Stonehenge which I should have photographed but somehow didn’t. I don’t know why there’s a Stonehenge in Washington but there is and on this day a motorcycle gang was enjoying the Celtic mystery of the Pacific Northwest.

It was very hot so we soon moved on to the conveniently located Maryhill Winery to quench our thirst. The interior of the winery was festooned with decorative slinkies which went up and down according to some kind of pulley system related to which doors were opening and closing. A giant white dog padded about and an orange cat slept in a crate on the floor. An old white man called Leroy kept splashing the most delicious wine into my glass and it was hard to wrench myself away, but I did because we still had to go rock climbing.

I do not remember the name of the place that we stopped in order to climb around on rocks in the afternoon sunshine, but it was quite nice. We shimmied up outcroppings and dropped down into shady canyons. The whole place smelled like sage.

On the way home we stopped at a quiet reservoir and dipped our feet. It was a nice day.

I’m going to have to be really careful today because he’s been known to meow at the door with nothing in his mouth and then run and get his booty as soon as the door opens. Sometimes he hides in the bushes and waits until someone comes in or out. Other times he dresses up like the Fed-Ex guy.

This guy was growing in a dirt pile outside. I needed to move the dirt into the new squash bed so he ended up sizzling away in hot pepper oil this morning with a nod to this recipe from Burly Girly. It was delicious. That being said, I prefer spinach to mustard greens and can’t wait until the Marvelous Plot of Awesomeness has it in stock. I stopped by the ‘ol MP of A recently to find it blanketed in soft red clover, so cushiony and inviting that I wanted to roll around in it. Cover crops really are marvelous. Everyone else’s patch looked scratchy and unkempt while mine looked like the kind of place flower fairies live. That’s some fabulous ad copy there. I wonder why seed companies aren’t busting down my inbox with job offers.

Now I’m off to eat a steak and mushroom pie.

And by hiatus I mean that period of time where I thought of oh so many interesting stories, funny quips, and fascinating (to me) garden updates and yet never touched the keyboard because I was too busy moping about and getting into the cooking sherry.

Here is a partial list of recent endeavors to get us up to speed:

*Finished The Grapes of Wrath. What a sucky book to read during the current economic downturn. All I could think about is how utterly screwed we would be what with not having a pig to salt down before hitting the road.

*The greenhouse has 3 walls and a roof. Still no sign of the gravel floor or potting sink.

*Bagpipe Man attended a focus group for the dump. He was served eggplant parmesan and given a coupon for a free 5 gallon bucket of recycled paint. This all seemed pretty cool until I learned that the event did not take place at the dump.

*The yard greened up and looks fucking awesome.

*Bagpipe Man went to Connecticut for a long weekend during which time I amused myself by drinking too much, attending a lego convention, and eating many food-like items procured from 7-11. Not used to sleeping alone, I crammed 3 dogs, 2 little boys, and a box of cereal into my bed for a night of being squashed against the wall. I’ll never do that again.

*Celebrated EDWARD’s birthday.

*Got the flu and threw up Mt Shasta Jerky to the sounds of K and Dashman shrieking every time they spotted an Easter Egg. Hey did you know that the Easter Bunny does not hide eggs in the bathroom?

So that’s what I’ve been up to. Sorry I was away for so long.