It has come to my attention that my blog of very old news may lead some to believe that Portland is a balmy haven of perpetual Fall. This is not the case. Two days ago when we (and by we I mean Bagpipe Man, myself, Angsty, Snowpea, K, Dashman and 3 largish dogs all stuffed into an iced up minivan) left Portland it was snowing heavily. Apparently we made it out of town just ahead of the worst storm in years and Governor Colonoscopy or whatever his name is, has declared a State of Emergency in our county and I hear tell the National Guard was deployed to Gresham. Wtf? Apparently I’m missing quite a weather event but I want everyone to know THERE IS SNOW WHERE I AM TOO. Scooterboy has a bunch of pics of snowy Portland on his Livejournal that could have been taken in downtown Etna before the sun came out and it all melted off. Here at my Mom’s house there have been activities like “shoveling the steps” and talk of “chaining up” to get down the driveway. We even partook in a sledding expedition and stalked and captured a Christmas tree.

A herd of conifers.

Bagpipe Man wore this hat so as not to be mistaken for a Christmas tree.

I used Dashman as a sort of human snow plow to slow us down while sledding.

Some people had no fun at all.

This never getting cold thing is freaking me out. Sure it’s great for year-round gardening and I’m really saving on my heating bill, but come on, a freakin’ calendula in December?

And what the hell is up with this blooming 7-Up plant? Did no one get the memo? FROST! The temperature is supposed to dip below freezing once in a while. Bits of ice are expected to fly about in the air occasionally and the plants are supposed to die back.

The Hebe is NOT supposed to be flowering while light up reindeer and puffy nylon santas are cropping up left and right of Chez Hovel. Wrong. Wrong on so many levels.

But the most damning evidence, the clincher that assures me all is not well meteorologically speaking, is that this tropical houseplant I left outside to die, is doing just fine. I set this fellow adrift on an ice floe because he was of no more use to his community, what with looking ratty all the time and farming gnats in his soil, and look at him now. I guess it’s positively balmy out there. As soon as Bagpipe Man is done teaching the young nerdlings the ins and outs of Dungeons and Dragons, we are strolling over to the Slingshot to play pool and I won’t need more than a light sweatshirt because December is the new June.

Not pictured due to ineptitude:

raspberries
buds on the cherry tree
borage flowers
a nasturtium
3 suspicious looking seagulls

Sunny Ohs is oh so tired from his long day of sleeping in a chair. Every night he slips out when I’m letting the dogs out one last time to go pee and runs off into the darkness. I’d prefer he stay inside as I can think of all kinds pickles he might get himself into, such as being RUN OVER but he’s wily and I won’t see him anywhere around yet as soon as I open the door there he’ll be shooting past me like the worlds fastest orange fluff ball. I don’t know what he does all night but he returns in the morning muddy, hungry, and smelling like scotch.

Guess who didn’t have school today? Apparently the entirety of the Portland Public School District because not a single one of my staggered quatruplets left this morning despite Thanksgiving being OVER. They hunkered down for another day of leaving their shoes in the middle of the floor and bickering about legos and video games. Sheesh Universe, What the fuck? And why does everyone appear to have been lobotomized?

Eventually I got off my ass and baked bread, but the shock of everyone NOT clearing the hell out almost reduced me to a day of playing Civ4 in my jammies with a big flagon of eggnog at my side. Luckily I’m pretty damn tired of that game. I hear tell that tomorrow is an actual school day.